trippedinthedark

It's finally the end of the run she's heard the fire of the gun, the dark clouds hide the gleaming sun she can't remember when it was all just fun. She lays cold in the snow then she hears the dense laughter of kids in her mind then a glimpse of the three girls faces come into flow, and she realizes she's left her girls behind. She wonders how she could be so selfish when she just wanted to help them but they all just wish it wasn't so dim. The result of it all, leaves a person to wonder why she took such a great fall but thats not for us to ponder. The worst thing is she doesn't have to live with it but I'll never have the

You can talk to me about how i have no trust and no confidence in love but try living a day in my life then you would know what it is like to get hurt by everyone. Think about it having someone tell you that you mean the world to them but then watching them die because they gave up on life. I manage to fail at every relationship I try to have. My mom was my light she was the one true thing I was proud of. If you were me you would no what its like to wake up and wished you didn't. And how horrible it is to watch the image of your mom pulling the cold trigger of a gun resting on her lip, the same lips that she kissed me wi

You ask how you can be my type but who says I need to have a type. I know I don't need one, now that I have you. The true question you should ask, is why did I go after you, knowing you loved someone else. To tell the truth falling in love with you was what made you my type. Believe it or not I was in love with you before I even kissed you. I guess you are right though you really are not my type you are actually mine. January, 25, 2004

When I was little and my mom would tuck me into bed there wasn't a story or song or anything like that. She would look me in the eyes and tell me she loved me and she would never leave me. "Where would I be without my little girl?", she'd say I use to get scared because I was afraid of losing my mom So I'd climb in bed and tell her I was scared then she'd hug me and tell me she'd never leave me. Well now she's gone and I'm left all alone I keep searching for an answer but I keep falling short. Will my life ever get better? 9-15-2003

When she was in the hospital I remember when I would hold her hand but when I'd start to leave her grip would tighten on my hand. She couldn't talk to me but inside I know she was screaming wanting me to stay by her side and just talk to her so she could hear my voice and know that I still loved her. I wonder how tough it is to want to say something but you can't but it's right there you know what you want to say but you can't speak you can't move sometimes you can't even control what you want to do. When she was awake in the hospital and she had her eyes open, she would watch me wherever I moved in the room. I'd look i

I've finally given up I'm reaching for somebodys hand to pull me out of the garage before I fall asleep. It's strange how when you're finally screaming for help but people just add more weight to the knife resting on my wrist. I thought I could handle but I'm in too deep I need someone to push the chair back under my feet. It's such a nightmare to wake up everyday and wishing you hadn't I realize I have lost the battle, when all I think about is my death. I've stepped in the right direction now but it seems to be getting worse, when it's suppose to get better, and I still haven't put the safety on this gun. I don't have

I'm sorry I'm going to hold you this one last time but as I watch you go to sleep you seem so oblivious that this will be the last time you get to be in my arms. After I notice you are asleep I start climbing out of the bed. As I stand there above you I try to make this easier on myself I lean down and kiss your forehead and tell you for the last time I love you. I grab my keys and focus on what I'm about to do when I get in my car I clear my mind and try to forget everybody. I drive to a desolate road check my glovebox grab the cold gun and check the chamber. Only one bullet, only one shot. I'm sorry January 25, 2004

As we pass by each other an uncomfortable anger lingers in the air. The fight we just engaged in had swallowed both of our smiles. As the future will pass there will be many more arguments. I'll warn you now I will leave the house yelling I will slam the door crying I'll speed off in my car but it's all out of anger. I need to let you know that I really don't hate you and I don't want you to die and you were and excellent mom. In our fights we used illegal weapons; our emotions. If a person thinks back to their battles with loved ones they realize how harsh the things they said really were. Just remember if you can avoid